Satan Reviews- Books: The Legends of River Song and The Missy Chronicles (Doctor Who NSA Anthologies)

Two book reviews in one because why not?
Spoilers for some of the stories.

The Legends of River Song

Jenny T. Colgan, Jaqueline Rayner, Steve Lyons, Guy Adams, Andrew Lyons

BBC Books

Picnic at Asgard by Jenny T. Colgan 

The characterisation of River in this one is weird. She's weirdly maternal and says about wanting children- this feels entirely out of character. I don't care about the other characters introduced to us as I felt I was given no reason to. The conclusion was really meh. Like all of this horrible, life threatening chaos, people getting injured, all of this yeah- caused by a bored teenager who can hack. Wow, amazing. A waste of my time. It's like the conclusion of a very, very bad episode of the Sarah Jane Smith Adventures. 

Suspicious Minds by Jaqueline Rayner 

River, the (11th) Doctor and robot Elvis (it was an alien species bit I don't remember the name) go to a insect sanctuary. That sounds fun. The story itself was better than I suggested it was. I did like this one. Kinda interesting plot, people being turned into fertiliser, Elvis robot, puns- what more could you want?

A Gamble with Time by Steve Lyons

This is basically your regular Ground Hog Day trope story but with aliens. I can't really bring myself to say much about it because I didn't like it, nor did I dislike it.  

Death in New Venice by Guy Adams 

The ending of this was so rushed and the plot wasn't really fleshed out enough for me to care about what was going on. And she's so cocky in this one. I know that's the character, but it's annoying to read and not as bad to watch. I liked the idea that the ghosts were basically manifestations of people's subconscious and the escalation of the events based on what people were thinking. That was a cool idea- I just didn't really care for anything else. 

River of Time by Andrew Lane

I felt very meh about this one. It was the definitely the best one of the lot (plot wise) because it was somewhat fleshed out and the latter part felt more like it was part of the Doctor Who franchise. However, due to the length, the ending had to be slightly rushed. I had to reread sections because I didn't get what was going on. To be honest, a few weeks later and I'm still slightly confused. River was also going on about shopping and fashion for a weird amount of time. Maybe if the author had scrapped the talked about the prison warden's lack of a skin care regime we'd have had more time for plot.

Overall

I wasn't a fan of this anthology. The characterisation was inconsistent and some of the authors made River incredibly feminine- more so than she actually is- because I wouldn't associate maternal feelings or being obsessed with fashion/makeup as traits of River Song. It really didn't help that River's cockiness levels weren't the same and didn't gradually increase either. A lot of the stories either felt rushed or had bland conclusions. Also, I kind of wanted a story from when River and the Doctor were having that 24 year long night on Darillium because surely something interesting would have happened also the Doctor was featured three times and it was the same one each time which was annoying.

Fave Story: A Gamble with Time or Suspicious Minds

They're probably the only ones I don't have a lot of negative things to say about them.

Least Fave Story: Picnic at Asgard

Is this what reading stories about middle aged women feel like?

I gave this book 2 stars out of 5.

The Missy Chronicles

Stephen Cole, Cavan Scott, Jacqueline Rayner, Paul Magrs, James Goss, Peter Anghelides, Richard Dinnick

BBC Books

Dismemberment by James Goss
A fun little tale of murder and violence- my favourite kind. This story explains how Missy ended up with the name Missy sort of. I was so relieved when Missy was her usual ruthless and vicious self- after the River Song anthology I was worried that someone would write Missy as broody and obsessed with having kids or something. The various ways Missy got her revenge were I'm tempted to say fun to read but that sounds wrong in character and outlandish. The conclusion was on the darker side for Doctor Who (although it should have been a lot darker for it to feel like Missy, just saying-) so it could have been a little better. Gotta love it when Missy makes people become rugs though.

Lords & Masters by Cavan Scott
To be blunt: I have no idea what happened in this one. Slight exaggeration, I know. I liked the whole Missy begrudgingly has her own sort of companion thing. Even if the companion died. That was the part I didn't get. An interesting subplot was suggested by this character's past but then they killed her off before anything was revealed. Something was probably suggested that went over my head but still, I didn't get it.

Teddy Sparkles Must Die! by Paul Magrs
Ever wondered what Doctor Who would be like while you were high af? That's the concept of this story but not the execution. This one was pretty fun. We finally got the story where Missy is pretty much Mary Poppins- what we've all wanted all along. This one was okay, I have no strong feelings towards it. The concept was fun but the execution was a little off. I think it was because every problem was easily sorted out and there was little to no peril.

The Liar, The Glitch & The War Zone by Peter Anghelides
This suggested that the 13th Doctor was in it so that was fun. I wasn't massively bothered about this one to be honest. In theory, Missy fixed it so it never happened? I think. I don't even know anymore.
One question though: Why did both of these books heavily feature Venice on one story? 

Girl Power! by Jacqueline Rayner
Not much happened but it was a fun story. I like the idea of Missy wanting to learn about women because she is now one. It was actually funny as well- I even snorted slightly because it's very rare that I actually laugh when reading but I was amused. It was also interesting because it was written through letters and messaging apps rather than in a traditional prose form. So it was almost a breath of fresh air (slight hyperbole) to read this. It's also the only story in this book written by a woman so there's that.

Alit in Underland by Richard Dinnick
I liked this one. I don't really have much to say about it. It was a fun idea executed pretty well and I have no qualms about it. It's just I'm also not raving about it. 

Overall
I enjoyed reading this one. It wasn't the best book I've ever read but it's definitely not the worst. Each story was pretty fun and I'm always a slut for more Missy content. And her characterisation was actually consistent so there's that.

Fave Story: Girl Power!
Even if the title is a little cringy.

Least Fave Story: The Liar, The Glitch & The War Zone
I guess

I gave this book 3 out of 5 stars.

Final thoughts
I probably wouldn't get anymore of these. They don't seem to be my thing. It's also weird that there's only two female authors in both of these books- you'd think there'd be more.