Satan Reviews- Books: Marie Antoinette, Serial Killer

Marie Antoinette, Serial Killer

Katie Alender

Scholastic Press

Mild Positivity, Spoilers

Do you enjoy the bastardisation of European history? 

Love love triangles that aren't actually love triangles? 

Don't despise books with minimal poc characters who feature in the book a lot but are treated pretty badly by the main character but ultimately forgive them or something? 

Well, you'll probably tolerate this book. 

This book was lowkey wild, I'm not gonna lie. I've had this book a few years and had only read the prologue and then I was just like, "going on a trip to Scotland, spending a few hours in the car, why not read that weird book you've had for too long?" Because I apparently talk to myself in third person.

I'm not going to try to convince anyone that this book is a masterpiece, because it's not. Is it an enjoyable read? I'd say it really depends on the person because I didn't hate it but I know some people do. It's definitely different to a lot of books in some aspects. Such as, I didn't hate the romantic interest. A rare occurrence in my life. He was nice, I don't remember his name at all. I want to say Martin but the French version of Martin. I looked it up, that's his second name and his first name is Jules but I don't care. It got a little annoying at times because Collette (our heroine, who I'll talk about later) was more concerned with this guy she'd known for a couple of days than the ghost that was going to try to kill her. I know that I often have questionable priorities but really m8? Imminent death or the D? Imminent death or the D? I can't tell what I'd care about more in this situation.

Now Colette Iselin, our amazing protagonist, is a "Mean Girl" sort of. If you squint. She's originally set up to be one- her obsession with popularity and money explained in the first chapter but then Alender tries to add redeemable character traits. Don't forget that she lives in "abject poverty" but she won't let you forget. Just make her a super bitch. That's all I ask. Go big or go home and all that. I think it worked less because Hannah didn't get the same treatment but then Pilar's behaviour was excused due to having a pushy mother and being scared of Hannah(?). She also treats Aubrey horribly but she feels bad about it. The way Aubrey styles her natural hair apparently makes her "look like a seven year old". I grimaced when I read that for the first time because no, just no. She apparently grew as a person during this book. What I saw happening if that she realised that she was being overdramatic and annoying and thought maybe I should not do that. And to be honest, mood. But it's just meh overall.

There seems to have been an attempt at a love triangle, if you squint. Sort of. It's obvious that Martin Jules and Colette are end game and the other guy is just there for ~drama~ and to be murdered. Like Jules turned at the hotel Colette etc were staying at all like:

because the ghost had killed the guy. Jules was also super jealous over a guy Colette had told him she wasn't interested in. He was clearly a dick, Colette told Jules that she thought the guy was being a dick. Like the only nice things she said about the guy was that he was good looking. Woo what a great love triangle; one teenage girl, the slightly older guy who was mostly nice to her and the guy described like an adult who the teenage girl didn't really like. Who will she choose? If you hadn't guessed, I can't remember this guy's name either. lol

Considering the fucked up shit that has happened in French history why was the author's decided plot: ghost gets revenge for conspiracy theory that killed them against descendants of those who betrayed them even though all but one remained in France and therefore decided to wait until they all were even if it meant a family died out? Even then, it was fairly recent in Colette's family history that they moved out of France. I think. Or was it because it was possible that Marie's remains had been disturbed and the fact that Colette was there was a coincidence? I genuinely can't remember because it's been a few weeks but still.

Also, the final showdown between Colette and Marie Antoinette's ghost was almost laughable. It was Colette running around a basement, talking to the ghost, and having her spine almost crushed by a bookcase. So pretty much a normal Saturday night for anyone who lives in Yorkshire. You're not so special, Colette! Also, apparently the ghost can control people's actions but only does this to Pilar. No one else. Not the girl who threw herself out a window or Colette-even though it would have made the killing them thing easier. It would be terrifying to have a ghost control your movement while you're aware of the movements but can't stop them. Just saying.

I feel like this book was written in the wrong genre. Like imagine this book as a black comedy. It would be so much better than it is now. Why do books with off the wall ideas try to be serious? I know if this was a TV show it would be a drama but in a book it's just not realistic.

I gave this book 2 out of 5 stars because it's lowkey wild but for mostly the wrong reasons.